Too Serious
1. If you did an error-free installation of Windows 95.
2. When your modem starts smoking.
3. If no one can reach you by phone since your computer
is always online.
4. If you log-off your system because it's time to go
to work.
5. If you call in sick because you found a great new
WWW site.
6. If you can type your top 10 favorite Web sites,
by heart.
7. If you can locate a particular home page without
using a search engine.
8. If you can write your own html page.
9. If you can access more than 20 erotic no-pay sites.
10. If you download more than 20Mb of from a binary
newsgroup,in one session.
11. If while reading a magazine, you look for the Zoom
icon for a better look at a photograph.
12. You comment,while watching a sunset,that the
image would be enhanced with 10% more magenta
and a higher resolution.
13. If while driving down the street,you are confused
by the numbers on the houses - they do not appear
to be legitimate WWW addresses.
14. When someone tells you to remember something,and you
look for File/Save command.
15. When you discover there is no little car icon with a
forward arrow on the dashboard of your car,to make it go.
16. When you think the File/Kill command should apply
to your system administrator.
17. When you find it easier to dial-up the National Weather
Service Weather/your_town/now.html than to simply look
out the window.
18. When you start using phrases like: Hungry.must-eat.
food.now@home
19. If you have a heart attack when you forgot to pay
your phone bill and receive a "pending disconnection
of service" notice.
20. When you order most of what you buy - online.
21. If your fingers quit moving because you've been online
for 36 hours.
22. When you find yourself engaged to someone you've never
actually met; except through e-mail.
23. When you log-off from a session in your favorite
newsgroup and your log reads: Online time:
56 hours 24 minutes.
24. If your net provider suggests you try a competitor,
because you're exceeding 300 hours a month,connect time.
25. When you add your third modem and dedicated phone line.
26. You access Microsoft's Web page every Sunday morning for
Brother Bill's sermon.
27. When that 112Gb hard drive is full.
28. If 133 Mhz is simply too slow.
29. When your desk collapses under the weight of your computer
peripherals.
30. If you have an "online" light installed on your car to
tell you when the engine is running.
31. When you discover that in order to drive your car
somewhere,you do not enter an http:// or ftp:// address.
32. If you can actually talk to the computers in your new
car - and understand what they say.
33. When you modify the programming of your car's computers
and actually get better mileage.
34. When you can access the Net - via your portable
and cellular phone.
35. If on the way home from work,you use your portable
and cellular phone in your car,to reprogram a
Tomahawk missile,in flight,and redirect it to
take out the joker in the Cadillac who cut you off.
36. If you try to press Alt-F4 to close your car window.
37. When you put a CD-ROM in your car's player.
38. When someone tells you about a great new program and
you're very disappointed to find it's on TV.
39. If every sentence you utter begins with, "On the Net..."
40. If you put your e-mail address in the upper left-hand
corner of envelopes.
41. If you have your e-mail address printed on your stationary.
42. When you insist on seeing the movie "The Net" -
for the 63rd time.
43. If magazines like "InternetWorld" are of greater interest
than "Playboy" or "Playgirl".
44. If you maintain more than 6 e-mail addresses.
45. If you use more than 20 passwords.
46. If you set up your own Web page.
47. If you set up a Web page for each of your kids...
and your pets.
48. If,instead of a phone number,you ask someone for
their e-mail address.
49. If you don't know anyone who DOESN'T have an e-mail addresses.
50. If,to you,'safe sex' means doing it online.
51. If you convince your mom that she HAS to get online
because e-mail is so much cheaper than long distance
phone charges.
52. If you can write a list like this.
53. If you can relate to a list like this.
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